Seeking my God nature
'A big square trying to fit into a small circle’…this is how I have felt since my childhood. No matter how much I tried, I just couldn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. I used to think that maybe something was wrong with me. My emotions, thoughts and their expressions were all too much for people to handle. So I learnt to suppress my inner knowing and shrink my being, stuffing myself into the small circle of (false) security. I became the ‘good girl’ conditioned to compromise, sacrifice and reject herself to please people. But underneath all of this there was so much suffocation, resentment and shame. I felt like a hypocrite who couldn’t feel good about herself no matter what she did. I kept searching for external validation to feel better about myself, to give me what I couldn’t give to myself - unconditional love and the freedom to be myself.
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A time came when everything in my life fell apart. I felt like I was broken into million pieces and did not know how to put myself together. All the voices that were echoing around me, giving me instructions and rules, did not make sense anymore. A voice inside of me was struggling to be heard. I wanted a way, a new way that was not painful and self-defeating. It was at this time that my seeking began…
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I did not know what I was seeking but the restlessness to find it was so intense. I knocked on various doors – astrology, psychotherapy, self-help books, chakra healing, energy healing, aura reading, Tarot card reading, past life regression and so on. And then through a few unexpected twists and turns of events, I met my teacher…I felt like I reached home. Serendipity should I call it, or God’s Will?!
Working towards being my God nature
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I first met my teacher in 2012 and since then I have been working consciously with myself, learning to connect with, listen to and be my God nature. I have faltered many times on my path, fallen off the wagon, but I always knew that it was NOT an option for me to quit my spiritual path. This inner knowing, coupled with what seemed like never-ending challenging life situations, made me hold onto my teacher’s loving hand no matter what.
In the past twelve years, I have learnt, healed and changed a lot. I am in the process of transmuting and transforming into a gentle wild butterfly that I truly am. I have got in touch with the power of softness and the higher intelligence of my heart. I have embraced the generous and sensitive side of me. I have greater clarity now. I have understood that all external challenges lead me within; that everything boils down to self-love and self-acceptance. My biggest lesson is to love all of myself -my Light and my shadow, and to keep choosing my inner voice over the external expectations.
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I am continuing to learn, grow and transform so that I can be and radiate my Divinity…so that I can emanate energies of healing, love, kindness and joy wherever I go…so that I can embrace everyone and everything with kindest strength and all my Love.
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I am grateful for the love, transmissions, initiations and guidance that I get from my Beloved teacher. I am grateful for the grace and blessings that the Divine keeps bestowing upon me. The healing sessions and the card readings that I offer, come through from the deep connection I have with my teacher and the Divine.
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I pray intently that my work, my life and my existence bring immense benefit to All and that you find inner solace, clarity and strength through them.